k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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