Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize