no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
