"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize