Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
