Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
