So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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