So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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