Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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