Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize