It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
