You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
