so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
