i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
