I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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