with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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