i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
