He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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