census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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