So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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