i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
