Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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