I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
