He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
