Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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