Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
