bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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