Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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