Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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