Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
