im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
