we have officially lost it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
