just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
