A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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