Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
