Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
