I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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