i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
