You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
