I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
