i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
