I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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