people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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