Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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