it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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