she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pants are for mortals
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
