my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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