So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
