I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
