"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
