The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sobbing to NWA
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
