I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
