I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
