Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
