I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
