Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
