Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
