So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
is wine microwaveable?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bring me that man meat
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