Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
