Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
