im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
