The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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