i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize