just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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