you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Found your dick twin last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
