God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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