i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
