And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
