You can't special order awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
