stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
