She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
