If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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