I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
