i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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