i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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